


Insecure Security

by masochistedgelord



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post Reconciliation, Saruhiko being an angst bucket as usual, They are quite new tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 06:00:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10735602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masochistedgelord/pseuds/masochistedgelord
Summary: Saruhiko and Misaki are finally in a relationship, but Saruhiko still has demons that won't die.





	Insecure Security

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at half 2 in the morning. Saru wouldn't shut up and let me sleep till I gave him Misaki aand so this fic was born

Darkness encompassed everything. Thick. Tangible. Immobilizing. 

_**“This is temporary.”**  _

The voice was heavy. Each letter causing the darkness to weigh down further.

_I'm drowning._

___

Two bodies lay almost still. One chest heaved heavily, distress painted on his face. 

Saruhiko's eyes flew open. Lying on his side a blurred vision of the numbers of his alarm clock swam into focus slowly.

**3:10am**  

_Woken by a dream again..?_

Saruhiko forced his still ragged breathing to slow down as he groggily pulled himself up off his pillow. He grimaced at the feeling of cold sweat on his skin.  

_What was it about again..._

A smirking image of a dark haired man he has long been repressing the memory of flashed through his mind. 

_I can't remember._

A light snore, out of place in the dark silence of the room brang him out of his thoughts. Saruhiko looked over to his right, eyes softening at the source of noise.

Laying beside him was a copper haired man with one leg hanging off the edge of the bed. A contented look plastered on his sleeping face. He seemed to have kicked half the blankets off at some point, leaving the rest all bunched up around him. 

“Who sleeps like that? Idiot.” Saruhiko murmured.

_Way too vulnerable._

A dull pain seemed to spread in his chest. 

_Someone could break you, you know._

He reached his hand forward to caress some of the coppery locks.

_I could break you._  

Saruhiko stopped abruptly eyes widening slightly. He drew his fingers back hurriedly from hovering in mid air. Pulling his hand back he turned away from the sleeping form. He got up from the bed and put his glasses on, chest now aching, clicking his tongue as he walked towards the door. 

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Yata opened his eyes slowly to sunlight pooling in the room through a crack in the curtains. He blinked a few times and stretched. His hand landed on the other side of the bed and he flinched at the cold sheets. He turned over and his heart clenched slightly at the sight of an empty bed. 

_Again...huh._  

Yata frowned as he threw his blanket off and made his way out the bedroom. 

He yawned as he walked into his living room. Yata stopped as he caught sight of Saruhiko hunched up on the couch over his laptop seemingly tapping away furiously. 

_Oh it was work? Even though it’s his day off._

Yata sighed as he walked over to him. 

As he got closer a frown creased his forehead yet again when he realised Saruhiko was actually just playing a game.

“Mornin’ Saru.” Yata said warily. 

Saruhiko kept his eyes on his laptop not even looking at Yata.

“Oi.” 

_Bastard is he just ignoring me?!_

“Oi, Saru!” Yata’s voice hid a hint of anxiousness in his louder than usual tone. 

“What, Misaki?” Saruhiko snapped all of a sudden turning his eyes up to look at Yata sharply. 

“I-I was just going to ask what you wanted for breakfast.” Yata reeled slightly at Saruhiko’s abrupt tone and glare.

Saruhiko clicked his tongue and looked away. 

“Whatever.” 

“Keh. Fine.” Yata scowled to hide the hurt that was bubbling up in his stomach as he stalked out the room to the kitchen. 

_What is with him these days.._

_Is he angry with me?_ _Did I do something? If I did he would tell me wouldn’t he??_

_We’ve talked about being honest with each other already._

Nervousness and uncertainty creeped on the edges of Yata’s soul as he made his breakfast.

_Maybe I did do something...No no i've been perfectly fine with him! Things have actually been going great with us!_

_So why recently…_

Recently Saruhiko had been going to work at the normal time but Yata would wake up early to an empty bed almost all week, finding Saruhiko in the bathroom or living room instead. When he came home he was tired and though he seemed a little less tense than in the morning, he would get unusually quiet before bed and would find reasons not to touch Yata. 

Yata sat down at the table with his breakfast and threw a look over his shoulder at Saruhiko still hunched up on the couch. A wave of nostalgia overtook him and Yata’s throat grew tight all of a sudden. 

_This scene.. doesn’t it look kinda familiar?_

A flashback of when they used to live together when they first joined Homra went through Yata’s mind. 

Saruhiko distancing himself all the time. Playing on his laptop. Snapping at Yata occasionally. 

_Back then he... he wasn’t happy._

_Maybe things haven’t been going as well between us as I thought._

_When was the last time he touched me? Kissed me? Monday? No, he was at Scepter 4 the whole day and then he stayed the night there too._

_Omg we haven’t kissed for a week?! He hates me. He's gotta hate me. It’s his day off aswell! Don’t we usually just..spend the day having..._

Yata flushed at his thoughts. 

_When did I get so needy anyway. It’s not like he has to kiss me or do any of that stuff all the time._

Usually Saruhiko couldn’t keep his hands off Yata, though. Yata remembered when they first started dating last year. Yata would have to physically pry Saruhiko off him every time before leaving the apartment. 

Yata would yell at him and Saru would ignore him and they would both secretly enjoy procrastinating. 

_I hugged him last night before bed and he didn’t mind, he just said he was tired. So we went to sleep. What if he actuall- Aghhh! I’m doing it again!_

Yata ate his food angrily as his thoughts spiralled away from him.

“Misaki.”

“Eh?! W-what?” Yata jumped at the sudden intrusion on the silence that had fallen, and looked at Saruhiko nervously. They stared at each other for longer than a second.

“You’re making a mess.” Saruhiko replied in a bored tone as he got up and walked towards the bedroom, laptop abandoned on the couch. 

_Th-That! That stupid monkey!_

Yata took a deep breath as he calmed himself down. _Right. I knew it wouldn’t be easy getting into anything with him._

Yata sighed.

_When does he ever make it easy._

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

_Misaki… don’t look at me like that._

Guilt flooded Saruhiko’s being as he shut the bedroom door and leant against it. He wanted nothing more than to pull Yata close and never let go. It was all he ever wanted. 

**“ _Reciprocation is only superficial.”_**

His voice rang through Saruhiko’s head loudly. Saruhiko grit his teeth and walked over to the bed. 

_That’s… not true. Is it?_

_No. Misaki wouldn’t pretend._

**_“He’s always pretended though. Hasn’t he, little Saru.”_ **

“Shut up.” Saruhiko whispered to the empty room.

_No that’s not it. I love Misaki._

_I love Him._

Saruhiko threw his glasses on his bedside drawer, flopped onto the bed and buried his face in his pillow. 

_And that’s the problem isn’t it?_

_Why… Even now, are you still trying to take my happiness away from me?_

**_“I’m not doing anything. You are. It’s always been you.”_ **

Saruhiko could imagine that voice, those words, so clearly. As if that person was in the room right next to him.

The sound of footsteps in the hallway reached his ears. Then bedroom door opened and shut. 

“Saru! We need to-” Yata’s loud voice trailed off. Then he sighed and walked over to the bed quietly. 

“Saru...what’re you doing?” Yata was close and he spoke softly. 

Saruhiko had his eyes closed as he turned onto his side. 

He felt the bed dip as Yata sat down next to his body. 

“You look so tired.” Yata whispered. “I’m Sorry.” 

_No._

_Misaki don’t apologise._

_Why are you apologising?_

Yata brang his hand close and pushed a stray lock of hair behind Saruhiko’s ear then ran his fingers through the rest of his hair. 

_Stop. Stop caring._ He wanted to say, but the words died on his lips.

_After everything Misaki still cares and he will always care, because he is Misaki._

That thought alone sprung tears to Saruhiko’s closed eyes. 

Yata trailed his hand down from the dark hair and caressed Saruhiko’s cheek. A thousand fires sparked to life under the touch that he was always yearning for.

_Please…_

Yata sighed from above him and Saruhiko felt his warm breath ghost over his face. Then Yata pulled his hand away and shifted to get up from the bed. 

_Don’t go._

Saruhiko felt Yata go still. He opened his eyes to see himself grasping onto Yata’s arm. Yata was looking at him in surprise and confusion. 

“Don’t..” Saruhiko muttered. Yata’s features softened as he leant back down to sit on the bed again. 

_No, you have to go._

Saruhiko tightened his grip on Yata’s arm. 

Yata gasped lightly. “Saru?” He whispered. 

Saruhiko closed his eyes tightly.

_Just leave me. Leave now._

“H-Hey Saru what’s wrong?” 

Saruhiko let go of his arm and moved to turn over away from him. His throat felt tight. 

Yata growled in annoyance. “Hey!” He leant forward and grasped Saruhiko’s face with both hands. Saruhiko opened his eyes only to meet Yata’s determined ones staring back at him.

_Bad idea._

“Tell me.” Yata was looking at him intently. 

_Stop that. Stop it. No don't. Don't stop._

Saruhiko ground his teeth together as Yata ran his thumbs over his cheekbones. 

“Hey…” Yata said gently. 

_You’re going to get hurt!_

Saruhiko lifted his hands up and cupped Yata’s face mirroring the other’s action.

Anxiousness washed over him as he pulled Yata’s face down harshly, leaning up to catch his lips against his own. 

Yata inhaled sharply in shock and he pressed back into the kiss almost immediately. 

_Stop. Stop. Stop._

Yata opened his mouth slightly to catch a breath and Saruhiko slipped his tongue inside, pulling Yata closer to him as their kiss deepened. Yata’s hands moved back up to grasp at Saruhiko’s hair again and Saruhiko’s hands fell down from Yata’s face and moved around his back to grasp at his waist tightly instead. As though Yata would disappear if he didn't hold on tight enough.

Heat ran through their bodies as they pressed against each other. Yata let out a grunt and ground down slightly. He pulled away from Saruhiko’s mouth to pepper kisses all over his jaw and neck instead. The love and passion in the gesture had Saruhiko gritting his teeth again.

_I don’t want to hurt Misaki._  

He pulled Yata up to capture his lips once again kissing him with more urgency than before. 

Yata pulled away panting, face red. “Ah hah Saru w-” 

Saruhiko cut him off by kissing him again desperately. 

Flashbacks of alleyways and burnt skin, Yata’s face so openly displaying pain and betrayal danced in front of Saruhiko’s closed eyes.

_I don’t want to hurt Misaki again._  

Saruhiko sat up not breaking their kiss and pulling Yata along with him into his lap.

_I always break things._

He slid his hands under Yata’s shirt feeling soft toned skin beneath his fingers.

_I’m scared._

Yata pulled away again, gasping. “W-wait I-”

Saruhiko pulled Yata close again and buried his head in his neck, breathing in shakily, taking in the sweet warm scent that was undeniably Yata.

_I don’t want to lose this._

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

_What’s with him!?_

Yata shook his head and sighed in content as his breathing returned to normal, happy to finally sit here like this with Saruhiko, leaning against each other after a week of almost nothing. Yata stroked Saruhiko’s hair as if he were a cat, and cradled his head against him. 

Suddenly a feeling of wetness trickling at his neck made him give a start. 

“Saru?!” He lifted Saruhiko’s head up and gulped at the sight before him. 

Saruhiko’s cheeks glittered with tears and his eyes were red and tired.

“O-Oi..S-Saru?” 

Saruhiko clicked his tongue and looked away. 

“What have you never seen tears before?” His voice came out annoyed but quiet. 

“N-Not on you!” Yata stuttered back. 

Saruhiko clicked his tongue again.

“I don’t want to lose you, again.” Saruhiko murmured so quietly it almost went unheard but Yata had super hearing. 

“What the fuck?! I’m not going anywhere idiot!” He scoffed at his dark haired boyfriend. 

Saruhiko looked at him uncertainty decorating his tear stained face. Yata felt his heart squeeze in his chest. 

_That’s all it was!? Honestly…_

“I’m not. Even if you push me away again.” Yata said, voice softer this time as he brang his hand to Saruhiko’s face and wiped the tears away.

“I love you, idiot.” Yata smiled shakily.

_Too much._

Saruhiko’s head fell forward and a soft sound like a broken chuckle escaped him. 

“I know.” He looked up at Yata again, something like relief mixed with a slight wariness on his features in contrast to the uncertainty from before. 

“I-Idiot! You’re supposed to say it back!” Yata bristled. 

“Isn’t that obvious, already.” Saruhiko muttered. 

“Eh?” 

Saruhiko leant forward and placed a soft kiss on the edge of Yata’s lips. 

“I do...I love Misaki too.” He murmured quietly into Yata’s ear. 

_Too much._ Saruhiko’s mind echoed back.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sparklesss and candy floss! Maybe.  
> Hope you liked it! Please comment and thank you for reading 


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